pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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