any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think I just sharted jello shots
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
