Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
