you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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