I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
