Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
