Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
