The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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