Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
