I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
