absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
