Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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