at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize