WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
