I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
