That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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