On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
