we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
