How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize