I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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