i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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