the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
