I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
