We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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