I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
