I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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