i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
