At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My vagina is officially offended.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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