Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize