he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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