i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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