take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
