I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
