I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
