I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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