I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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