I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
