I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
