Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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