Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
