I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
