apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
