he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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