yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
