So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
