I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
