he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
