I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
