Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
