I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
