Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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