Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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