You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
