is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
