she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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