dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
