how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
