that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
