Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize