There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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