Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize