the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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