and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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