i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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