JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
