shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
