Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize