dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
