By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
