apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
