Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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