the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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