I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
