He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
