i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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