I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
