I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
