Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
