So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need to sanitize my soul.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
