is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
