I heard we made out
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
