So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
