Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Panties = found
Randomize
