I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
