I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm going to jail i love you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
