I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
