Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
