Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
