So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
