If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
