I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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