And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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