Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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