I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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