Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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