I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
