omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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