I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
