I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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