Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
