Im at strip club and am horny
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
