Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
