she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
