Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
