she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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