I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
