where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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