I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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