possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My life is pants optional.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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